We named our party play list daddy issues
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
