I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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