my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
