I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
