we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
