and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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