there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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