Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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