I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize