Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Sober January is a disaster.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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