Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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