I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
