He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
