Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
