I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Drunk is not a location!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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