This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
