drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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