His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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