Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
