things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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