If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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