So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
