...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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