Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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