You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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