Moan for me like Helen Keller
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
