The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
