whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
