i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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