Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Can Purell be used as lube?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
