he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
