I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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