Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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