I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
