you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize