I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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