I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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