Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
