She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
