She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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