a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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