Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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