she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
