Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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