So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
