she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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