yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
