Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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