when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
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They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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