You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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