She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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