Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
