Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
