you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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