god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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