Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize