Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
