I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
