I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
