my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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