Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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