He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
