how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
