Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
