At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
