Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
