Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
