I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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