i think i have two assholes
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
