Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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