she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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