last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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